How Do You Know What Self Care You Need?

If you have been on any social media platform over the past few years, you may have noticed “self-care” has become quite the buzzword. But what is it really? Moreover, is the way “self-care” is sold to us actually beneficial in supporting people to engage in self-care practices? As with most social media content, self-care has become a trendy aesthetic rather than an act of self-love and self-respect. Self-care is, by name and definition, taking care of yourself. This can include taking care of yourself by identifying and meeting your various physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual needs (National Institute of Mental Health, 2024). I am here to gently suggest that, although visually enticing, the current promotion of self-care could be reconceptualised in a way that helps us to genuinely nurture ourselves.

First, let’s talk about self-care and why it is essential. The face masks, bubble baths and extensive morning routines splashed over social media are inviting and can be a lovely addition to self-care. However, self-care can be more straightforward (and affordable!) than this. The World Health Organisation (WHO) highlights a range of self-care practices, including taking appropriate medication, practicing good hygiene, seeking medical or mental health support
when needed, along with getting adequate sleep, exercise and nutrition (WHO, 2022). Further highlighted is the need to feel self-empowered and engaged in the community (WHO, 2022). Undoubtedly, these practices and principles are far less glamorous than social media self-care, and may seem like another task to add to your to-do list. However, you are likely
already doing many of these, and continuing to do so is essential because we know that when one aspect of our health or wellbeing is challenged, other areas are impacted (Ohrnberger et al., 2017).

However, how do you know what self-care you need?

Perhaps the key to recognising how we are currently taking care of ourselves and building on that is to reconceptualise self-care. I like to think of it as caring for “little me”. Drawing on inner child work used in myriad therapeutic approaches, this practice can foster self-compassion and a desire to nurture (Hestbech, 2018). Through my own therapeutic journey, I have found that thinking about the core needs of my little self supports me in genuinely taking care of myself in ways that impact my overall sense of wellbeing. To be clear, I do not advocate doing deep and complex inner child work through a blog and without professional guidance and support. The following exercise is not designed or intended to be therapeutic but instead is a starting point for considering how may be able to figure out what you need to enhance your self-care.

Grab some writing and/or drawing materials, and think about what children need to grow into healthy and secure adults. Some starting ideas include shelter, food, water, sleep and play. Children also need discipline, boundaries, to be gently challenged to try new things, and to form relationships with others. Make a list or another tangible, visual representation (get creative! Or, check out Figure 1 for some inspiration). Next, mark off those you already practice (For example, going to work so you can pay the bills and keep food on the table is practicing self- care). Through the process of elimination, you may find you now have an idea of how you might be able to take care of yourself further. Maybe “play” is missing from your life, or perhaps “boundaries” need some work. Or, it might be time for you to try something new. Whatever it is, I hope you can find something through this practice to enhance your self-care.

If you are reading this and thinking you do not have the time or energy to add anything else to your day, I really get that. I have also had times where I have juggled multiple responsibilities and have felt overwhelmed by the idea of self-care. When any help was offered, I experienced feelings of guilt for “putting someone out”. I would argue one of the most challenging acts of self-care is accepting help and admitting that we cannot do it all alone. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes support for us to care for ourselves. Had I worked through those feelings of inappropriate guilt, and been vulnerable enough to accept support, I would have been far less irritable and stressed during those overwhelming times. Accepting help when we need it is indeed an act of self-care because the moment you do this, you are addressing your needs for
community and connection.

So, to sum up, self-care is simply taking care of ourselves. Although it may seem counterintuitive, we can ease the burden of self-care by accepting help and support (or maybe even asking for it). It is brave to admit we can’t do it all by ourselves, and it is brave to look within and truly honour our needs – even when it is hard and less glamorous than what we see
on social media.

If you want to explore self-care and self-exploration more deeply, I offer self-care workshops at Attuned Psychology, North Adelaide on Thursday evenings. Workshops run for 90 minutes weekly for four weeks, and include a range of different resources and artistic exercises. Groups are capped at 3 participants to ensure a safe and supportive environment. Contact Attuned Psychology on (08) 8361 7008 for more information or to book your place.

Abi Jenkins  Creative Arts Therapist

References

Hestbech, A. M. (2018). Reclaiming the inner child in cognitive-behavioural therapy: The complementary model of the personality. American Journal of Psychotherapy, 71(1), 21-27. 10.1176/appi.psychotherapy.20180008

National Institute of Mental Health. (2024, February). Caring for your mental health. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/caring-for-your-mental-health

Ohrnberger, J., Fichera, E., & Sutton, M. (2017). The relationship between physical and mental health: A mediation analysis. Social Science & Medicine, 195, 42-49. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.socscimed.2017.11.008

World Health Organisation. (2022). WHO guideline of self-care interventions for health and well-being, 2022 revision. World Health Organisation. https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240052192